shopping for boots is literally the worst…

So I have a little predicament.

I want some new boots. Actually, I can honestly say I need new black boots for this year. And frankly, the brown ones are on their way out, too… So, I’m shopping. And let me tell you, Korean standards of “fashionable” and my standard don’t line up. They have some boots, but I don’t like them. Korean women also tend to be very fond of having heels on everything. I just want a flat, riding boot…

Not to mention, Korean women have, like, the smallest body proportions, well, EVER. So, if you want boots, I hope you have legs like pencils.

Guess what? I don’t have pencil legs. I have meaty, runner-girl calves. Also, I’ve been told I inherited my massive leg circumference from my father… (Thanks, Dad.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ll be the first to [somewhat humbly] admit that I have great legs… You wouldn’t know that I have this, eh, “problem.” That is, until I go boot shopping. It’s not just a problem in Korea, it’s an international problem I face. Ever since my first pair of boots in high school, I knew I would struggle the rest of my life.

And now, here I am, in a foreign country, and I’m forced to look online for boots that will fit my meaty trunks. I face international shipping charges, pain in the ass return policies (if it’s even possible), and tons of guesswork just to get boots to fit my friggin’ legs. And let me just say: it’s a jungle out there.

Amongst all the decent-looking boots, there are some real horrors. For example, take a look at the “Hades Women’s ‘Caymene’ Steampunk Scaley Knee-high Boots” in white:

not my idea of "classy..."

not my idea of “classy…”

This isn’t quite what I had in mind, but I happened upon it and thought I might share it with you, dear Reader. (Honestly, who the hell would wear these?!) If you’re interested, just waltz yourself on over to and search these bad boys out. They’re also available in brown and black, just in case you were wondering…

Or of course, over at, there’s always the “Nature BreezeWomens ‘Vickie-hi  Slouched over-the-knee Boots” boots… in LEOPARD. Just in case you were hoping to look like Fran Drescher or someone:

Vickie Who???...

Vickie Who???…

Alas… I don’t think I’m going to find the “perfect pair” tonight. So instead, I think I’ll just give up and go to bed. The hunt will carry on tomorrow!

Wish me luck, Reader. Apparently, I’m really going to need it…


  1. Dan Antion says:

    It may spark a comment from my daughter, but I would suggest the the real “worst” is being a guy accompanying a woman who is attempting to buy boots (or any other footwear). I dearly love the women in my family, but shopping for shoes is not a favorite activity. Good luck with your quest.

    • Faith Antion says:

      I seem to recall that when we went shopping for shoes when I was in high school and didn’t bring any shoes on our trip that were appropriate for attending a play, the saleswoman offered to put you outside for the remainder of my shopping experience :)

    • shops4shoes says:

      Dan, this is why I never, ever, EVER ask a man to accompany my shopping. I have a few gay friends who would willingly come along and enjoy it, but under no circumstances do I even extend the invitation unless they offer! I’m a terrible shopper and so indecisive, it’s generally torture for those along for the ride.

      I agree, being the accompanying party may be the true “worst!”

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