if i had babies… here’s my advice…

The last couple of days’ writings have been pretty heavy, so I thought I would take it down a notch. (Also, I was having a hard time determining what to write about tonight…)

So, I thought I would write a letter to my future imaginary children on this windy Wednesday night. I don’t anticipate ever being a real mommy… I’m not saying I wouldn’t be good at it, because I think I would be an awesome mommy. But I don’t really think I want to be a mommy. So, since they’ll never actually be here for me to impart my wisdom, I’m going to make a little list of the things I would want to tell my future snot-nosed kids.

Dear never-to-be-born babies of mine:

1. Sharing sucks and we’re all totally lying to you about it. 

Sure, other mommies and daddies will tell their kids that “sharing is fun” and that sharing is the best thing in the world. But that’s only true when you’re the one without the good stuff and you’re the “share-ee” and not the “share-er.” Sharing totally sucks. I mean, yeah, sometimes it can be fun when you’re sharing a new toy with a friend. But sharing good food? Please. No one wants to willingly share their cake.

2. All those naps you don’t want to take when you’re a kid? You’ll totally regret that later.

You’re going to wish every day came equipped with enough time for, at a minimum, a thirty minute power-nap. Guess what? You’re out of luck. There’s never enough time for anything, let alone a nap.

3. TV was invented so parents could just have five minutes alone without you crying all the time.

You know how you get so excited and mesmerized when Baby Einstein, or Mickey Mouse Playhouse, or Blue’s Clues, or whatever comes on TV? So does mommy. Because that means that you’ll shut up for approximately 23 minutes and mommy can sit and enjoy her coffee or doze off while you sing all the nice little songs…

4. Vacations were a lot less stressful before you.

Whining. Complaining. Naps (for kids and adults). Meal times. Picky eaters. The expense of multiple park-hopper tickets instead of just two. Things are a lot easier when mommy was childless.

5. No matter how old you get, you will always feel better after a big poop.

You just don’t sit in it anymore. (Well, not until much later in life, anyway.)

6. Eating food in shapes is still fun, even when you become a grown-up. 

Sometimes I still cut my toast into a butterfly like my gramma used to do for me. And if someone made me awesomely-shaped pancakes, I’d be excited about those, too. And those ice cream sandwiches at Disney World that are shaped like Mickey’s head? They’re only that exciting because , well, they’re shaped like Mickey’s head…

7. Don’t get rid of your cool old toys. 

They might actually be worth some money someday. Or, you might get nostalgic looking through boxes when you get old and you happen to find them. Hang on to your memories, no matter how easy it feels to just let them go.

8. Everybody is a loser at some point. Even you, Kid. Get over it.

You may notice that in many schools, teachers and parents are now parading around saying, “Everyone is a winner!” No, they’re not. There will always be losers. There will always be people who are better than you.

The sooner you learn to understand this – while also understanding that you’re just not expected to be good at everything – the better. It’s a harsh world and one day, when you grow up, the world will not treat everyone like winners. Do your best and don’t worry if you’re not the star in everything.

9. Eating vegetables as a grown-up does not become more fun. It just becomes more necessary.

Unless those vegetables are somehow shaped like fun things. See #6.

10. Learn to love who you are, no matter how long it takes.

Someone will love you just the way you are. And maybe it will take you a long time to “discover” your “true self.” That’s okay. Don’t rush it, Kid. You’ll come into your own when you’re ready. The World will be waiting.

Love you, little imaginary kids of mine. I hope this would help.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: