Tag Archives: sex

when is the “right” time to report sexual assault? the short answer: any time

Like nearly everyone else in America, I want to talk about what’s happening with the #MeToo movement.

Let’s get something straight to start: life for women is abundantly different than it is for men. We have developed habits that are truly engrained in us, so much so that we don’t even think about it when we do these things in hopes of protecting ourselves. These behaviors are practically nonexistent among men.

Every day holds potential threats for women. Every. Single. Day. And by denying that, you empower the men who think they’re above the law or above ethical and moral behavior.

While a movement has started – or for the sake of argument, resurged – in the last year or two, it does not diminish the fact that we still have a long way to go.

We must believe women when they speak up and we must respect them when they tell their stories “late.” Why? Because the threat of being shrugged off as a misunderstanding, a joke, or an inconvenient time for the perpetrator is no longer an excuse.

We cannot allow these excuses to be more important than listening to these stories. The reality is that there is no “right” time to report sexual assault.

I don’t consider myself to be a victim, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some uncomfortable stories.

I will be honest and say that, as a woman who has never been a victim of what I would consider sexual assault, there have been times in my life where I was uncomfortable.

When I was no older than 4 or 5, an older boy who was a friend of the family was reading a book to me on our sofa. When I said I wanted to go take a nap with my mom, he said I could just stay and lay on the couch with him and we could take a nap together. My father was in the next room, likely watching football and napping in his recliner.

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I tried committing… but I wasn’t ready…

Lately, my thoughts are all over the place. It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything for myself. Part of this is unintentional; much of it is/was a product of my life circumstances.

I ended up dating someone (like, an actual, real relationship) for about 8 weeks and that really effed things up. I spent zero time writing for myself. I worked on a couple of things early on and then, my life revolved around a relationship I wasn’t sure I wanted.

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the class we loved to hate: the horror that is Sex Ed…

I’m not sure how it happened, but I recently stumbled across the amazingness that is Last Week Tonight. John Oliver, a British comedian, hosts his own show on HBO covering news stories from the past seven days.

In just two days, Oliver has taught me more about how the United States is effed up than I ever learned in all my years of school combined. And to add to it, he’s my kind of funny.

Now, I’m an American. I live “abroad,” if you will. I consider myself to be somewhat “with the times” and I try to keep up with the happenings in the Americas (and the world), including (but not limited to) presidential race candidates (kind of) and school shooting atrocities. While this is true, I was also totally unaware of many other things happening in my home country.

I had no idea that Washington D.C. has no real representation in our capital; that Syrian and other refugees are streaming into European countries, some of which are greeting them with what can be described as nothing less than disgusting refusals to accept them; about how broken the bail and public defenders systems are in America; or about the truly sickening behavior of many televangelists (I knew a little, but not this much. And I’m NOT saying all televangelists are like this, but sadly, many are.).

Needless to say, John’s given me a bit of an education. And I’m obsessed. So imagine my glee when I came across a video discussing the state of Sex Education in the great U.S. of A.

That’s right. I was stoked. I love to talk about sex and if you’ve been reading for a while, you’re probably familiar with my rant on how I believe parents should talk more openly with their kids about sex. I realize that no one wants to talk with their kids about the birds and the bees; but trust me, as a former child, no kid wants to talk with their parents about sex. But that’s kind of not the point.

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Jim Bob and Michelle’s big mistake… don’t make it yours…

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Everybody’s talking about the Duggars, and probably for good reason (much of the time, anyway). Just in case you’ve been living under a rock lately, here’s a link to an article detailing why the Duggars have been – yet again – in the news.

I don’t want to join the thousands of haters. I don’t want to condemn Josh Duggar for his past transgressions, though I have concerns about that, too. I don’t want to blame him for this current situation because, let’s face it, folks: he did not ask for this. Nor did his victims.

You may disagree with nearly every defense the Duggar clan has made about this whole debacle. You may absolutely hate them for a myriad of reasons. You may have supported them in the past and now, you just don’t know what to do. Whatever your current stance, I think we can agree that there were many “mistakes” made in this sad story – not just “mistakes” (a loose term in this situation, in my opinion) made by Josh, but also mistakes made by his parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar.

The Duggars are a hyper-conservative family and openly oppose hot topics like abortion, LGBT issues, and a slew of other things. A lot of their commentary is just downright insensitive in my opinion, though there are many who support and agree with them. They are part of something called the Quiverfull Movement, a disturbing religion-based community that places misogynistic power on childbearing, dating relationships,  and of course, sex itself. You can read more about it here and about a woman’s revelations after being raised in a Quiverfull family here.

So knowing all this, and now what we know about Josh Duggar’s “mistakes” (as the family has chosen to call them), what can we say about Jim Bob and Michelle? Is it fair to accuse them of also making mistakes?

Abso-effing-lutely.

Like me, you may disagree with how the Duggar parents dealt with such a serious issue in their home. The amount of time that passed, for one, before they sought help is troubling. How they went about seeking help is also concerning. But what’s the biggest deal that no one seems to be talking about in all of this mess?

Chances are, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar never talked in detail with Josh about sex, human bodies, hormones, and all the stuff in between.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s no secret that the Duggar clan is a devout religious and conservative family. While many of their values are admirable, some of them are incredibly outdated. I would even argue that, in this day and age, their methods are archaic and a complete disservice to their children.

Let me explain.

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life’s just too damn short…

Hey, Reader.

I’ve been working on a few things lately and, largely, felt like I needed to share my own story about my “sexual awakening” to set up my thoughts on a post in the works. Rather than bore you with the same story in a different way, I’m re-blogging the original for you to scan.

If anything, I hope this story will spur other young women struggling with some of the grey areas of their sexuality to be brave and confident in themselves.

You are beautiful and desirable, Girl. Go get what you want. Or don’t. The decision is yours.

Cheers.

-K

a little bit brave

Don’t you agree, Reader? Life is just too short. Too damn short. Too short for long lines. Too short for stupid arguments with the people you love (though they are bound to happen…). There’s just not enough time.

There aren’t enough hours in the day. I have often thought this to myself, especially over the last several months. I don’t know where my days go I am so busy sometimes. I wish I could stop time, get things done, and then start it back up again and let the hours trickle away with just a smidgen less stress than I had in the “moment” before. But alas, it’s just not possible.

You know what else life is too short for? For closed-mindedness. I’ve hinted and mentioned several times that I would breach a line of conversation that would possibly uncomfortable for some (and honestly, myself included). To say it out…

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